Community is...

I recently heard Shauna Niequist read this passage aloud at an event promoting her new book, Bread & Wine.  As I listened, my eyes filled with tears.  It told my story.  It told our story. It told His story.

.....................

"We don't come to the table to fight or to defend.  We don't come to prove or to conquer, to draw lines in the sand or stir up trouble.  We come to the table because our hunger brings us there.  We come with a need, with fragility, with an admission of our humanity.  The table is the great equalizer, the level playing field many of us have been looking everywhere for.  The table is the place where the doing stops, the trying stops, the masks are removed, and we allow ourselves to be nourished, like children.  We allow someone else to meet our need.  In a world that prides people on not having needs, on going longer and faster, on going without, on powering through, the table is a place of safety and rest and humanity, where we are allowed to be as fragile as we feel.  If the home is a body, the table is the heart, the beating center, the sustainer of life and healthy.

Come to the table."

.....................

Four years ago, Steve and I were optimistic and overjoyed that God had called us to a baby in Korea. We were inspired, wide eyed and could not wait to give a once orphan a home.

Four years ago, Steve and I embarked on this journey independently, not asking for help, and confident that although it was not going to be an easy road, we would be able to manage it relatively unscathed.  

Four years later....we have realized just how wrong we were.  We have had to come to the table, with our needs, our fragility, and our admission of humanity.

As we have sat at the table we have realized just what community is.

Community is a cheesecake with candles burning brightly the letters EP, with a small group singing Happy E.P. to you.........

Community is....

ten people sitting around on a Sunday night, listening through tears and praying for our aching hearts, random generous checks appearing in our mailbox,bags full of brand new clothes gifted specifically for Finley, a dear friend showing up with target bags to boot and completing a closet overhaul for Finley girl, a snow globe left in our car to celebrate a special girl's birthday, friends upon friends gathering around a cake and singing Happy Birthday in hopes that all in Korea could hear, a print sent because it was meant to be in our home, family gathering around Kimchee and eating it in spite of it's taste, messages sent with thoughts and prayers inside,phone calls from afar asking if there is any new news, favorite outfits passed on from a favorite friend, hugs when there are no more words, long, in depth searches for korean books, notes on keyboards, twitter and every social media in between,those holding hope when I was pretty sure mine is missing, lovely ladies inviting me over to chat grieve and laugh, a bed made by hand, a Korean video purchased by the boys, Christmas gifts with Finley written atop, passed kleenex, empathetic looks sighs and words, gifts given even though our girl is halfway around the world, fabric shopping, quilt planning and patient understanding, ties upon ties donated for Finley, a dear friend's mom helping me sew for the cause, friends and family sharing Finley's story, a book given to Finley about a girl who can do anything,messages at just the right time, "our" finley spoken by many, remembering of the details of Finley girl knowing her only through pictures and stories, video sent to affirm, songs sent console, neighbors asking if we have heard any more, snow...and a dear friend sharing what the first snow symbolizes in Korea, pins pinned because Finley came to mind, likes on un.tied's page, every bracelet, key fob and necklace purchased, every time someone speaks of her name and shares her story, a hand stitched quilt with a map of Korea made with love, friends joining me in my sorrow and just listening, a friend listening through tears...often,every comment and like as we tell Finely girl's story, "Finley girl," spoken by others, continuous invitations to workout...showing N. Korea whose boss, 

the sound of her name..spoken in love.

The most important lesson we have learned through this all is that it is not just Steve and I adopting Finley girl, but that our entire community is adopting her, and one day we well tell her of their love for her.

To our community, Thank You for allowing us to be as fragile as we feel!

"We don't learn to love each other well in the easy moments.  Anyone is good company at a cocktail party.  But love is born when we misunderstand one another and make it right, when we cry in the kitchen, when we show up uninvited with magazines and granola bars, in an effort to say I love you." ~Shauna Niequist

Year SIX!

As Elliott enters his sixth year of life he continues to come into his own, live for adventure, and has a spark in his eye that makes his daddy proud.

When I asked him what he wanted on his year 6 list, his trademark Elliott grin emerged, he looked at me, paused and said...

I'm going to have to think about it.

And with that I was reminded of one of the many reasons I love my Elliott Drew. He has always marched to the beat of his own drum, and I couldn't be more proud!

After a week or so of thinking, Gibson giving him many suggestions,  Elliott finally came up with his Year SIX list....

I love everything about it, and it is oh, so Elliott.

1. Try new Korean foods and new sushi.

2. Go camping.

3. Go to the cottage 15 times.

4. Bring a friend to the cottage.

5. Play on a basketball team.

6. Go hunting with Bumpa.

May you always dream big my little one!

Happy Birthday, Elliott Drew

Happy Birthday to our joyful, sensitive, witty, courageous, smart, 

 creative and hilarious Elliott Drew.

In your fifth year of life you......

Lost your first front tooth. Attended your first concert {needtobreathe}! Started mountain biking. Started READING! Built a tepee. Spent hours racing cars, playing with your football and soccer guys. Became extremely interested in ESPN and sports facts. Played soccer. Started scaring the jeepers out of your mama, while escaping each scaring attempt she tried. Mastered your jump shot. Found the joy that your witty one liners bring. Loved everything football! Became enamored with football routes. Played t-ball and LOVED it. Devoured your math homework. Made your first gingerbread house. Rode on the tube ride at Avalanche Bay.Dune jumped. Served at the Supper House. 

And, prayed for your sister every night.

We are love you to the moon and back and are 

blessed beyond measure by you, Elliott Drew.

Project52: Details

Sometimes it's the littlest details that make my heart sing.

Stop by The Terpblog to see what little details make her heart sing.

Project52: Fragile

Today, I am sending you straight to Katie's blog for her take on Fragile.

It is raw.

It is real.

It is heavy on my heart.

Please share it with everyone you love.......

Finley {21 month update}

Tonight we found these amazing pictures and medical update of our Finley girl in our inbox.

At 21 months Finley is weighing in at 25 lb 9 oz and measuring 33 inches.

She has 6 teeth on the top and 4 teeth on the bottom.

In the gross motor department she runs alone, walks up steps, balances on each foot, throws a ball overhead and kicks a ball.

In the fine motor department Finley dresses herself, towers three blocks, scribbles and uses a spoon and a fork.

And she wouldn't be a Hothouse if she didn't ace the social department by playing ball with the doctor, putting a peg in the pegboard, drinking from a cup and washing her hands and brushing her teeth.

And to top it all off, she has many meaningful words, connects two words together and obeys commands.

Tonight, we rejoice in these adorable pictures and this great news.

ep...

ep: emigration permit

In the world of Korean adoptions, an EP is the coveted document that means the final leg of your journey has finally come.

Previously, after a family had an EP, their child was then scheduled for their visa/medical appointment and they were finally eligible for a travel call.

Now, since the passing of the new law, {stating that international adoptions will now be finalized in Korea} after a family receives an EP, their child will be scheduled for a visa/medical appointment and the rest is still a mystery.

It has now been over 14 months since we first laid eyes on our beautiful Finley girl.  It was love at first sight, we were filled with optimism and hope, and we were told the estimated travel time would be in 4-6 months.

After waiting 28 months to meet her, 4-6 months seemed like a cake walk.  She would be just over a year old, it would be spring/summer, and the boys would have their new little sister to follow them around on all of their adventures.

With great anticipation, Steve and I dreamed about the day we would get the call that we had an EP.

We planned to call all of our closest family and friends and have an impromptu EP party.  We had been saving a bottle of our favorite Cab from 45 North, and planned to uncork it on this much anticipated day.  There would be singing and dancing and smiles all around, all while Christina Perri's A Thousand Miles would be playing in the background {I often imagine my life as a Hallmark movie......}

Two weeks ago, the much anticipated day had finally arrived.  As I laid in bed checking my morning emails, I saw that we had an update and that we had finally been granted our EP.

I immediately called Steve, only to get his voicemail, several times in a row.

I then texted my soulsister.

She immediately called me and I, immediately began sobbing....and could not stop.  The feeling of elation I had anticipated was instead a feeling of immense grief.

A grief that I could not explain, but only felt in the depth of my soul.

We were now one step closer, yet still so far away.

Instead of crying tears of joy, I was crying tear of agony, pain and longing.

Our baby girl is no longer a baby but soon to be a toddler.

The dreams of holding her as an infant were only a dream and will never be a reality.

We celebrated here first birthday without her in our arms, and now as her second birthday approaches, my heart aches to think of one more birthday without her.

The bottle of cab still sits in the cupboard.

There was no impromptu party.

No dancing or smiles all around.

Instead, we are weary to our bones,

Our hearts ache ever more.

And, the true celebration seems still so far away.

Finley girl,

Darling, don't be afraid

I have loved you for a thousand years

and I will love you for a thousand more!

One step closer.....

                             ~A Thousand Miles