happy.

The boys have been spending lots of time in their fort lately. 

 

They say it is to trade cards, watch a movie, or read books; but if I were to guess their secret, I think they are spending so much time in there to get away from the new two year old in their lives.

 

The last three weeks have been filled to the brim with change, both welcomed and unwelcomed.

 

We have all been wading through the brutiful journey of bringing Finley home, and it has all of us sorting through our new normal... one secret{a new tradition of telling what is truly on our hearts} at a time.

 

This morning, I found this......

 

Gibson, Elliott and Finley all playing together in the fort.

 



They were enjoying each other,

and acting all shades of goofy.

 

Each one of my kids was happy.



and, so was I.

Gotcha Day and Beyond.

Finley is here!

I am sitting next to her as she sleeps soundly in our bed.

Her lips are pursed, perfectly closed.  One hand is on her Daddy's arm, and her little feet are crossed.

I am pinching myself that she is truly ours.

I keep looking at her in awe, trying to capture every last bit of her.  

I look at her little nose, her gorgeous black hair, tiny little fingernails and just thank God for her.

She has struggled the last two days, crying big crocodile tears and silently weeping.

Each time she lets us comfort her, but as she goes to the door, searching for her Oma, her little heart is just breaking.

Each time she woke up with us she wept again, realizing that she wasn't dreaming, that her life is now different.

Yesterday, we celebrated her first wake up that included a great big smile.

Each day she smiles more, gives us longer kisses, and holds us in a new way.

The wait was long.

The pain often seemed unbearable.

But, as I write this, on this beautiful morning in Seoul, I wonder...

Why us??

How did we get so lucky?

Why, out of all of the people in this world, were we chosen to for this journey?

The answers to this, we will never know on this side of heaven, but for now, I will sit in AWE of God's great plan for our Party of Five.

For I would not trade an ounce of brutal for the beautiful that was laced throughout and that is now before me.

.......................................................

Gibson and Elliott,

You have been so brave throughout this entire journey.  The smile on your faces as you met your baby sister last night made my mama's heart so proud.  You both are such amazing big brothers, and Finley loves you already.  The picture she carries around of her brudders, is crinkled and worn...showing just how much you mean to her.

Here are some pictures of your baby sister.  She reminds us of both of you, in so many different ways!

We love you to Seoul and back!

Mama, Daddy and Finley

........................................................

We were blessed to meet Finley's sponsor.  A Korean adoptee from Indiana.

Finley's foster mom giving us many, many treasures of Finley's two years with her.

This little boy is Finley's best friend.

Finley's two moms.

Finley's last check up.  She is one healthy girl.

Saying bye-bye to all of her friends.

Gibson and Elliott, hold onto your hats, because you have one little girl headed your way.

A painful goodbye.........

that got even more painful.....

A long sleep after a rough day.

Finally some precious Finley smiles. 

Someone loves her Opa!

And.... we're headed out.  We all needed some fresh air!

She just melts my heart.

over and over again.

Two tired girls.

And, after a good nap, we are starting to see our happy Finley Grace.

Gibson and Elliott.... she stole my coke!!!

Somebody thought she was ready for the pool... until she got there...

A glimpse of pure joy!

Lost Treasures

As I sat in the wee morning hours of Korea deleting photos from my computer, I stumbled upon these priceless gems.

Gibson and Elliott being Gibson and Elliott.  Creating fun with Gibson{the name of the flying dog}, the string to the blinds, and each other.

I the time span of just over a month we will have spent twenty days away from our boys.  My heart aches for them, and longs to create our new family normal when Finley comes home.

The type of normal where the days are filled with laughter and three kids inventing their own special memories.... *clothes and slippers optional.

The Amazing Race: Finley Edition

I have long wanted to be on The Amazing Race.  

We watch it often with the boys.  We decide who would do which challenge, watch excitedly as the participants travel to new places, and cringe with each wrong step.

Since arriving in Seoul, I told Steve it reminds me a bit of the amazing race. There are very few English speaking people here, we have no idea what we are eating, we have been jumping in and out of cabs, doing lots of hand gesturing, and saying Kamsamida while bowing more times than we can count.

Yesterday, however, Steve and I truly found ourselves in our very own Amazing Race.

Finley's foster mom graciously invited us to Finley's Gymboree class to participate with her.

We were excited to see her one final time before we leave Seoul.  So excited that we arrived at the said meeting place two hours early to ensure we knew we could find it.

Right before our meeting time, we settled into the Gymboree, breathing a sigh of relief that the time was almost here. 

My Mama's heart was bursting with happiness as I realized Finley had been coming to such a wonderful class.

The happiness continued as I took pictures for Finley to remember this part of her story.

Suddenly, as the clock struck 2:30 and there was no sight of Finley Grace, our hearts sank.

Something had gotten lost in translation.

The nice Gymboree lady said that there was no Ji- Eun that attended there and gave us three other spots in the 9 story mall to check.

As I went as fast as possible, in a packed Asian mall, to each location. Steve tried to find WiFi to search something...

My search only left me with an intense longing for my baby girl and a brief moment of tears.

Steve's search left him realizing that there are 25 Gymborees in Seoul.

As Steve continued to put the pieces together of the little bits of information we had, I channeled my inner Katie {who is brilliant in times of crisis} and went back to the Gymboree lady and asked her if she could search all Gymborees in Seoul and see if she could find which one Finley was at.

She found her! 

Finley was at a Gymboree an hour across town.... {insert more tears}

I asked if she could call there and explain the situation to Finley's foster mom and ask her to wait. 

She graciously did, wrote down the address in which we were to go, and wished us luck.

I ran back to Steve, told him the ugly/beautiful news and he said,

I haven't fought this long and hard for Finley to give up now.                                                          {insert me falling in love with him even more}

We ran down the escalator, hailed the first cab we saw, giving him this address, and prayed it was the correct spot.

We calmed our frazzled nerves....

And settled in for an hour cab ride, hoping that Phil from The Amazing Race wouldn't be at the end, tellin us in his lovely accent, Steve and Theresa, I am sorry, but you are the last contestants to arrive and you have been eliminated from the race.

By the grace of God, we did find the right spot, I completely hugged Finley's foster mom {Koreans don't hug, but I couldn't help it}  and she then invited us to lunch.

The Gymboree lady came along to translate, and we got to share the most valuable time with Finley and her foster mom.

Her foster mom, gave us an album of Finley's one year pictures and a magazine the Finley modeled in when she was 7 months old!  To an adoptive Mama these treasures of the time we missed with Finley are priceless! And , to Finley someday they we be of even greater value.

She asked if we thought she would fit well in our family and if we could send her lots and lots of pictures. 

She asked if we could bring her back someday when she is grown, so she can have the hope of seeing her again.

And, through tears she said that she can tell we are wonderful parents, and she is glad Finley gets to have us {tears all around the table}

Although we would love to have missed all of the drama of the day, we are thankful, because if we had not had it we may have missed this precious time with Finley and her foster mom.

..................... 

Dear Elliott, Gibson and Finley,

Here are some pictures of our time in Korea yesterday.

This morning we are missing each and every one of you, more than you ever may know. 

Please know than we love you more than anything, and that we would go on any amazing race to find each one of you!  

Love, 

Daddy and Mama

P.s. Finley, you called me Oma! ......... So blessed to me your Oma

..........................  

{Finley loves to wink:)}

{Finley is laughing at Daddy}

{Our meal....yes, we each got one of these and yes, we all of it?!}

{Finley LOVES noodles}

{The last time we will see Finley, we told her we loved her and gave her a kiss on the cheek from her brothers..}

Below My Feet

Today Steve and I seem to be having trouble finding the words to match the feelings of our hearts.

Today, we got to spend two precious hours with Finley girl in the park. The weather was beautiful with brilliant blue skies and a cool breeze.

Finley warmed up to us even more quickly than yesterday, moving from high fives to kisses, hugs and even letting us hold her, grasping us tightly.

She giggled. 

She laughed.

She covered her face in sheer joy.

And, she captured our hearts ever more.

As we played her foster parents looked on in the distance wiping tears from their eyes.

Every time Finley caught a glimpse of her Opa {foster dad}, she happily ran to his open arms for a hug.  And, each time he held her tightly and then selflessly encouraged her to go with us, fighting back his tears.

Finley's foster mom wanted to make sure I knew that Finley only likes mango, is cranky when she is tired, and is very stubborn...that Finley won't cry when she gets hurt and always shushes her when she tries to sing her to sleep.

We all took too many pictures to count and walked slowly together away from the park.

Our magical time with Finley Grace was over. She hugged me tightly as I passed her back to the special woman, who has loved her as her own, since she was ten days old.

Numb, Steve and I piled into a cab with another couple, pretenting to care about the small talk that ensued. 

We attended a Miso performance that was scheduled for us, each secretly hoping it would be over soon.

We managed our way on the subway back to our hotel, crashing from our emotional journey.

We slept through the dinner hour and woke up with a deep, deep sadness. My body shook with sobs as the weight of the day hit me.

Today, a great loss was experienced by all. 

As we end our third day in our daughter's birth country, we pray that God may redeem all that is broken, and that our hearts may continue to experience the indescribable joy and the depth and weight of the sadness....That in the tension of the two we may find great beauty.

..............................

To Gibson and Elliott.... Here are more pictures of your little sister. She loves to run and jump and chase birds and blow dandelions. And, by look of her seeing your picture again and giving it a big 'ole kiss, we think she loves her big brothers most of all!!!

We love you to the moon and back, over the ocean, and through the clouds,

Mama and Daddy

Keep the earth below my feet

From my sweat, my blood runs weak

Let me learn from where I have been

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn 

 Mumford and Sons