Care Package #1

It is safe to say that this little adventure called adoption has been an emotional roller coaster.  There are highs and there are extreme lows. 

We survived the home study process, barely escaped the waiting for referral go-around, and now we are in strapped in tightly as we wait to become a forever family.

The conclusion we have come to is that the roller coaster is ultimately broken and that no matter how frustrated we get with the broken roller coaster nothing will fix it.  So, we are just fastening our seat belts one more time for another bumpy ride.

One highlight of this stretch of the ride is that we get to send Finley care packages which has been the first "fun" part about this adventure.

From the day that we saw her precious face we started collecting goodies for our Finley.

The goodies we sent...

A letter. written to Finley and a letter of thanks to her foster mother.

I used google translate to craft the letter and I am praying that it is accurate.

Disposable camera. with the hopes that her foster mother will snap some priceless pictures of this time in Finley's life.  Fingers really crossed here.

Photo book. {as the boys call it, a "chewable" photo book} filled with our pictures and our names.  Again, I am crossing my fingers and praying that Finley's foster mother with look through this every day with her. *I used picnik to add our names

Cuddly bear. {complete with hoodie} given to us from the thoughtful Ms. Katie.

Taggie blanket.  because the teacher in me is trying to work in some fine motor... kind of kidding...but not really.

With four minutes to spare on a Saturday morning our package was signed, sealed,

and ready to be delivered.

 And, in 10-14 days from now, Finley Grace will see her forever family for the first time.

Ultimately, I am not a fan of roller coasters {they're dangerous, unpredictable, and make me nauseous} but in the end I am always glad I took the risk and got on the ride.

I cannot imagine the feeling when this roller coaster finally stops for the last time. 

For this Child I have Prayed

It was 1,343 days ago that God placed adoption on our hearts.  Elliott was 1, Gibson was 3.  Steve and I had been married for 5 years. We were nervous yet filled with passion about the possibility of bringing an orphan into our home.  I cried tears of compassion on most days during this time.  Daily, I would read blogs telling of adoption stories, and daily my heart would just ache for the 135 million orphans in the world. 

For the 480 days that followed, we prayed.  We prayed for clarity, to sift through the feelings of passion we were experiencing and to discern if they were pure and from God.  And, we prayed for direction, that we would know, through faith, the way in which we were being called. 

It was 863 days ago that we knew, without a doubt, that God was calling us to a baby in South Korea. 

For the 90 days that followed, we officially began the adoption process and journeyed in depth into our home, our family and our relationships.   With our hearts filled with joy and anticipation, we wrote essays, answered questions, and revealed all of our secrets to Homeland Security. 


773 days ago, the day we had worked for had arrived. Our Home Study was officially sent to South Korea, marking the monumental day in which the wait for our child began.

Our wait that was predicted to take anywhere from  480-540 days has far been exceeded, and is not yet close to being over.  

1 day ago, I found out via an impersonal e-mail blast that 3 referrals were made through our agency in the month of September, 3 referrals that went to families other than ours.   

With this news, I felt as if I had the wind knocked out of me as I stood frozen in the streets of Grand Rapids, wondering why we weren't one of the 3 families.

Reality sank in, as I now knew that the next possible time for a referral would be in January. 

Yet through all of these feelings I was able hold onto what is true.


God has ordained this adoption.

He is in control. 

He is holding our child in the palm of His hands.

It is God who will orchestrate our meeting, in His perfect timing. 

It is purely by God's grace that we were called to adopt and purely by His grace that we can continue to wait.

Steve and I have often asked each other at different times, If you had to do it over again, would you still choose this?

And each time our responses are the same, Without a doubt!

This is our resounding answer because in all reality, we didn't choose this, God did, He called us to this journey .


Those who have been called to something can understand. There are not words to describe it. It is just what you were called to do. 

Is it difficult? Yes.  

Does it make sense? No.  

Is it logical? Not even close.

So, here on this 1,344th day of our adoption journey, we continue to wait with trusting and faithful hearts.

There are many tears and indescribable feelings of longing that will remain until we hold our baby, but we rest today and in the days to come in God's timing and His grace.

bad news...good news

in the wee hours of the morning last august, gibson decided to fall out of bed and break his clavicle. feeling horrible that our son had broken a bone, steve and i kicked ourselves for taking off his bed rail. he had fallen out of bed so many times before and a hug and a kiss usually made everything better...but not this time. we found ourselves dwelling on how we messed up. feeling sorry for him and looking for parenting 101 classes on online.

with his arm tucked tightly into his shirt and guilt still weighing us down, we sent gibson off to his first day of school. what a blessing it turned out to be. on my next day to work i was approached by the mom of one of gibson's friends. she asked me what happened to gibson and told me that her daughter came home and told her, "mom, the bad news is that gibson broke his arm. the good news is that i have two so i can help him!"

i have come to learn through the stories gibson tells me about school that his teachers often will say the bad news is...but the good news is... . what a wonderful way to acknowledge that something stinks but there is always a positive to come out of it. so after being up with a sick boy last night, i thought i would give it a try. focus on the positive. focus on the positive. focus on the positive. right?

the bad news is that elliott was up all night puking up everything he had eaten the day before. and yes the day before was fat tuesday. and yes elliott loves to eat. and after he had gotten rid of everything he continued to dry heave for the rest of the night.

the good news is he was such a trooper! he would seldom cry and simply want me to rub his back and cuddle with a fresh new blanket.

the bad news is i had to go in early to make sub plans and try to occupy gibson while i did this.

the good news is that after i got everything together in my room, gibson took me on a date to mcdonalds. daddy had given him his wallet, which he stored in his cargo pants, twenty dollars and told him the rules for being a gentleman. he ordered for us and proudly paid. what a precious impromptu date.

the bad news is that elliott is home sick and couldn't go to school today.

the good news is that i get him all to myself to cuddle with all day long.

as a recovering pessimist, i think i like this bad news...good news business.