Saturday, October 8, 2011
For this Child I have Prayed
It was 1,343 days ago that God placed adoption on our hearts. Elliott was 1, Gibson was 3. Steve and I had been married for 5 years. We were nervous yet filled with passion about the possibility of bringing an orphan into our home. I cried tears of compassion on most days during this time. Daily, I would read blogs telling of adoption stories, and daily my heart would just ache for the 135 million orphans in the world.
For the 480 days that followed, we prayed. We prayed for clarity, to sift through the feelings of passion we were experiencing and to discern if they were pure and from God. And, we prayed for direction, that we would know, through faith, the way in which we were being called.
It was 863 days ago that we knew, without a doubt, that God was calling us to a baby in South Korea.
For the 90 days that followed, we officially began the adoption process and journeyed in depth into our home, our family and our relationships. With our hearts filled with joy and anticipation, we wrote essays, answered questions, and revealed all of our secrets to Homeland Security.
773 days ago, the day we had worked for had arrived. Our Home Study was officially sent to South Korea, marking the monumental day in which the wait for our child began.
Our wait that was predicted to take anywhere from 480-540 days has far been exceeded, and is not yet close to being over.
1 day ago, I found out via an impersonal e-mail blast that 3 referrals were made through our agency in the month of September, 3 referrals that went to families other than ours.
With this news, I felt as if I had the wind knocked out of me as I stood frozen in the streets of Grand Rapids, wondering why we weren't one of the 3 families.
Reality sank in, as I now knew that the next possible time for a referral would be in January.
Yet through all of these feelings I was able hold onto what is true.
God has ordained this adoption.
He is in control.
He is holding our child in the palm of His hands.
It is God who will orchestrate our meeting, in His perfect timing.
It is purely by God's grace that we were called to adopt and purely by His grace that we can continue to wait.
Steve and I have often asked each other at different times, If you had to do it over again, would you still choose this?
And each time our responses are the same, Without a doubt!
This is our resounding answer because in all reality, we didn't choose this, God did, He called us to this journey .
Those who have been called to something can understand. There are not words to describe it. It is just what you were called to do.
Is it difficult? Yes.
Does it make sense? No.
Is it logical? Not even close.
So, here on this 1,344th day of our adoption journey, we continue to wait with trusting and faithful hearts.
There are many tears and indescribable feelings of longing that will remain until we hold our baby, but we rest today and in the days to come in God's timing and His grace.