When You Don't Want To Go Home

My children are dancing on my last nerve.

I am exhausted.

Ornery.

And, can't find the pocket where I stored the good of summer for when this day struck.

I was supposed to work today. The office day was canceled.

My kids and my sitter all think that I am at work. I didn't have the energy to tell them otherwise.

Since 8:30am, I have been wandering, and I am not a wanderer. I often feel guilt with wandering, wondering if I am spending these few sacred hours away from my children wisely.

The pressure of what to do with the first 5 free hours I have had in the last two months nearly kills me each time.

Not today.

Today, I feel empty.

Tired.

And, I am just going with it and giving myself grace.

My initial morning wandering lead me on the hunt for a cardigan to wear to an unseasonably cold summer wedding this weekend.

I never did find a cardigan, I can't say that I looked that hard.

I did, however, drink Rwandan coffee loaded with half-n-half - while it was still warm, stop at a garage sale, drove with my windows down, and picked myself fresh flowers.

It's okay to wander, to buy polka dot measuring cups that you don't really need at a clothing boutique, to peruse books at a local bookstore and walk away with two you may never read. It's okay to purchase a charming gray and white striped rug just because you like it but don't necessarily love it.

And, it's okay not to want to go home to your kids yet.

Right?