Ugly Beautiful

There are times when I struggle to pick up the book I am reading.

I don't have enough time. I am tired, or I am just not in the mood.

One Thousand Gifts seems to be one of these books. I am in love with this book. I have been blessed by this book, but have been struggling to finish this book.

Yesterday, in my weariness, I found myself in a hot bath, surrounded by the smell of lavender, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

For some reason, I brought my book in with me.

Six dog-eared pages later, I knew why had been resisting this chapter for so long.  God had wanted me to read it, in the bathtub, at 3 o'clock on a Monday afternoon, weary and worn out.

I was humbled.

I had been worn down by the ugly and was missing out on the beautiful.

As Ann writes,
I look for the ugly beautiful, count it as grace, transfigure the mess into joy with thanks...

With ten minutes to spare, before the bus came to deliver my boys, I decided to look for the ugly beautiful. To transfigure the mess into joy and my weariness into thanksgiving.

Ugly Beautiful
I have a daughter in Korea. I have a daughter.
She is in a foster home. She has a family loving her.
We missed her first roll over, crawl, and step. She is thriving.
I don't know what her first word was. She has words.
I cannot do anything to bring her home faster. There is nothing I long for more.
I long for her to call me Mama. She has someone to call Mama.
I cry on most days. First the ripping to see God face-to-face.

Suddenly, my weary wasn't so weary anymore.  My hope was restored, and I was thankful for the ugly beautiful.

The moon will rise and those who limp know how to see. -Ann Voskamp