Residing deep within me was an immense fear of going. A fear of not being good enough, a fear of the unknown, and the fear of being found out. These fears stood in my way for many years.
Excuse after excuse would keep me from the retreat I knew my heart truly longed for.
When I finally summoned the courage to go, I went hesitantly.
I pledged to let my true self shine through and to be open to hearing God but remained uncertain that my story would be good enough, that I would be good enough.
With reservation, on the twenty third day of September, I entered into the place I had avoided for so long and simply let go.
I let go of the preconceived notion that I would be judged. I let go of certainty and control, understanding and fear. I let go of the me I thought I was and opened up the box I had so neatly kept God inside of.
For the first time, I was fully present and ready to hear what God was trying to tell me.
And, it was in this new, uncharted territory of authenticity that God surprised me in a way I had never expected.
As soon as the doors to restoration and healing swung open, I realized that God had carefully orchestrated this sacred time. He was at work, and had been at work my entire life to prepare me for this step in my journey, meticulously weaving every detail of my redemption.
I had been around God my whole life, and I had never realized how he works, that He is a worker. He is hard at work at all times, in each and every one of us, in such an intricate way.
In awe, I marveled that it was my time to be there, my moment. Even more captivating to me was the fact that it was not just my moment, but the moment of each and every woman on the trip as well .
Our stories were connected, interwoven and used in ways beyond our comprehension. God had planned our meeting. He was working to redeem all of our stories although we were so vastly different.
He had chosen every single person for this trip, we had been hand-picked specifically by Him.
God was redeeming us and in order to bring that redemption, he was busy at work in us.
He had ordained it all, he was in every morsel of food and every word of conversation. He was in a warm cup of tea and the tears rolling down my face. He was in every breath we took and every story we told.
God did not rest, and He will never stop pursuing us because He loves us. He is the worker I never knew Him to be.
Grace and Peace.