knitting

four years ago on spring break, i decided to try a new hobby. knitting. it was all the rage, and i had an entire free week to learn. so off i went. i bought the book i had been eyeing a schuler. stood in the fabric store for hours looking for the perfect yarn. himmed and hawed at whether i should spend the extra money on the wooden knitting needles. of course i did. and finally decided that my first project was going to be a blanket. a blanket with two different colors. i was going for it all. i had my skeins of yarn. one the rich color of coffee beans and the other the color you find as you bite into a blueberry. perfect. i was ready to cast on and knitt and purl my way to my first blanket.

it was a very calm time for me. one in which i would knit away as gibson would nap. one in which i would crave any extra time to work on my masterpiece. and sadly, one that i had forgotten about until recently.

on february 15 the calm i once felt knitting was far from reach as i sat in gibson's well child visit, listening to the many things he was going to be tested for because he did not reach is minimum growth requirements. cystic fibrosis, chromosomal abnormailities, and mayo clinic were just a few of the words that flew thougout the room as i tried to grasp the possiblities.

immediately we took our strong guy to get tested. and a meer 12 days later steve, my mom and i sat in an enocrinoligist's office learning how to give gibson an emergency shot of cortisol. at that moment as i stuck a needle into a pseudo leg, i lost it and thought, why gibson?

soon after we got the news, a friend sent me this verse: psalm 139:13: for You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb. and suddenly i was saddened at my lack of trust. saddened at my self pity. because for as much care as i put into making my first blanket it was only a glimpse of the care God put into knitting His Gibson. and as far as gibson is concerned, he is looking for no self pity, but now thinks of himself as a superhero. one that doesn't cry when he gets shots.