It's Better to Show Up Late, Than Not at All...

I hate being late.  Being late drudges up old feelings of imperfection, that I have long battled.  It causes all of my What ifs to rise to the surface and show their toxic faces.

What if someone notices?     What if I'm not good enough?     What if someone did it better?    What if I just had it 'together' like everyone else?    What if I didn't screw it up this time?   What if I just showed up on time??

Today was one of those days when I found myself in an internal dialogue about how I was late, and had missed my chance...again.

All summer, I have longed to visit the cutest little u-pick flower patch and pick myself some flowers. Not flowers for anyone else, flowers just for me.  I had driven past the darling hand-painted sign over and over, and for one reason or another decided to put it off until the next time, because I didn't need flowers.

Today, I realized that the next time(s) were dwindling as autumn is quickly ushering in colder weather.

Today, I decided that it was time for me to follow the signs.

Instead of turning right off of the highway, I turned left.

I put all fear of being too late aside, and stepped into the most lovely, whimsical flower patch.

Signs of autumn were all around.  Some flowers had died, leaves crunched below our feet and the air had the slightest chill, but in the midst of it all, I found the most beautiful flowers, and they made my heart sing.

I have learned lately, that it is better to show up late than not at all.

I wonder what it would look like if I decided to show up to my life in all of the areas that I thought I was too late?

Mailing the thank you cards that have been sitting on my counter for months.  Apologizing for wrongs that have long passed.  Making a phone call that made more sense to make three weeks earlier.  Sitting with someone who is hurting, and has been hurting for awhile. Bringing a meal to someone who had a baby 6 months ago. Realizing mistakes and fixing them, even if it doesn't affect the outcome.

What if showing up late brought even more beauty than showing up on time?

Fresh Hope and Joy ... Broken

It was two days before we left for our long awaited summer vacation.  Steve and I had spent twenty days of June in Seoul, Korea, but vacation would be the last word we would put to our time there.

We had just completed our four year wait for to bring our daughter home, we were overwhelmed by our new normal, and we could not wait to escape it all, for the first time as a party of five.  There was nothing more to wait for.  We were finally together, and we had been looking forward to this for so long.

I pushed a cart filled to the brim with vacation groceries, a constantly chattering toddler, and had two squirrely boys and their excited energy surrounding me, as my phone dinged with a text from Steve asking me to call him.

Unfazed,  I pushed through the produce section with one hand and dialed Steve's number with the other, expecting nothing more that a grocery request from the other end.

Instead, as I reached for the carrots, Steve told me that he was let go from his job.

THEY LET ME GO. 

THEY LET ME GO.

My world, in an instant, became a blur. The nice, neat lines of structure that Steve and I had traced around the boundaries of our life had disappeared.

All logic, planning, and understanding now overflowed into the isle as I tried to make sense of what I was hearing on the other line.

Innocence was lost as my eight year old looked at me with tears in his eyes and panic in his face as he started connecting the dots.

Innocence was lost as my six year old began to catch on, and his brother confirmed what this moment in the isles of Meijer would forever mean to him.

The rug had been pulled out from us.

We now had no full time job, would shortly have no income, no insurance.  We had just brought home our daughter from Korea. We have two boys who were getting ready to start a new school year, and, here we were...Jobless...Stunned...Devastated...Hurting.

We were unsure of what tomorrow would look like, let alone our future.

It was only by the grace of God that I made it through the checkout lane and back home in one piece that day.

And it was only by the grace of God that we made it through the minutes and hours remaining in that dreary Thursday.

We had no words, no solutions and were just being introduce to the grief we would be working through for the days and weeks to come.

The fresh hope and joy we had felt when bringing Finley home had been broken.

Steve and I decided that night that our only choice was to show up. We would show up each morning, show up each afternoon, and show up each evening.  We would show up for God.  We would show up for each other.  We would show up for our three beautiful children.

We would sit in our brokenness, look for beauty in the brutal, and stay in the arena with our faces marred by dust, sweat, and blood. We would dare greatly, seek truth and fight each day against the lies.

Today, as I type, it has been forty days since our fresh hope and joy was shattered. We are still uncertain of our future.  Steve is still looking for a job.  But we are still showing up, broken, hopeful and waiting once again.

Year 8

While snuggling in bed with Gibson, soaking up the few remaining moments of his birthday, Gibson asked through tired eyes if he could have a Year 8 list.

 Smiling from ear to ear and as proud as a peacock, I happily listened to my blond hair, brown eyed boy dream up his biggest dreams for the year.

And, this is what the newly eight year old Gibson Jack dreamed up.

Year 8

1. Learn how to wakeboard.

2. Go on bigger and tougher mountain bike trails.

3. Do a bike race.

4. Learn how to snowboard down big hills.

5. Learn more about fossils.

6. Go on my first camping trip

7. Back flip off the diving board and dock.

8. Go to Disney World.

May you always dream big my little one!

So long, Year 32

Today, on this final day of Year 32, Steve surprised me with a handmade hammock hanging on our back porch.

I had heard the hammering in the basement for the past several nights, but I was shocked when I opened my eyes to see what hung before me.

He made this beautiful hanging hammock so I could cross one last thing off of my list, to take my long anticipated nap in a hammock and to reflect. To rest.

As he left, he said, I'm not sure why we spend our time celebrating birthdays when we should celebrate the amazing year we were just blessed with.

And with that, I cried.

Year 32 has been an amazing, epic year.

I have laughed genuine laughter.

I have cried tears filled with anguish and pain.

I have said hello to many, many people and possibilities.

I have said goodbye to many of the same.

For the first time in my life, I have let go, and I have lived.

As I pursued Year 32, eyes wide open, I was suddenly aware of life that was waiting to be lived at  every turn.

In my 32nd year I...

completed a flip-turn | did one successful front flip | submitted an essay into a writing contest | went for a midnight swim | INSPIRED one person to live on purpose | finished my Christmas shopping before December 1 | bought a bike | learned to sew| read a series with my boys | attended a retreat | completed a closet overhaul | payed it forward in a drive thru | resigned from my teaching job | completed a 30 day CANDIDA DIET | attended mars hill running group | saw salmon run {amazing!} | took a spinning class | made bee-bim bop | bought brown boots | ate MOOMERS ice cream {several times} | raced in a different city | cooked a turkey! | saw mat kearney at the house of blues! | RAN OUT of GAS | went on a color tour | ate my first pastie | sled down a ski hill | got SNOWED IN | built a snowman on a ski hill | bought skinny jeans | went to my first concert at the intersection {needtobreathe} | retold my story | took a photography class | hosted a wine and cheese party for Jesus | hosted a craft night or two | was introduced to my DAUGHTER! | attended a holy yoga retreat | visited denver, CO | lost my village coffee virginity | mountain biked on a real MOUNTAIN | survived loveland pass | saw mumford and sons | at RED ROCK! | hiked red rock | took our boys on our first date | chose TRUE as my word of 2012 |  project purged for justice | did revelation wellness in the park | rolled down a hill |  sled arm-in-arm down a hill with three of my dearest friends |  took the boys to their first concert | road in a Rigshaw | brewed kombucha | FLEW to Nashville | heard wisdom from Donald Miller | 


In the end, life is what we make it.

We have a choice.

We can be derailed by the reality of life and be bitter.

Or, we can choose to live life well and be a part of a bigger story.

What's your choice?

Year 32, I thank you and celebrate you!

First Date

Eleven summers ago I met a cute boy at a wedding. His name was Steve, and he asked me if I would consider going on a date with him.

I said yes, and the rest is history. 

This summer we decided to take the boys on our first date, to show them where it all began.

Our first date, eleven years ago, lasted 14 hours and spanned the lakeshore from Silver Lake to Grand Haven. Over the course of a summer weekend, we tried to retrace our steps and reminisced along the way.

As we waited for our dune ride, our first stop was
Little Sable Point Lighthouse.
2001: Steve and I were just getting to know each other and walked slowly up to the lighthouse.
2012: Gibson and Elliott blasted up the sandy paths as we trailed behind, trying to catch up.

While we were at the dunes, we sat, took in the view and talked.

2001: We sat for quite some time talking about

 anything and everything.

2012: We sat just long enough to get a picture,

 before the boys wanted to try their hand at dune jumping.

Still waiting for our dune ride, we decided to play 

a round of mini golf.

2001: Steve and I placed a bet on the winner of the round.

 The loser had to make dinner for the winner.  

{first sign the date was going well...mention of a second date*}

Steve won... I made dinner.

2012: Steve and I were more concerned with passing the 

swearing teenagers in front of us and quelling the mounting

competitiveness of our boys than placing a bet.The winner? who knows?

The time for our dune ride arrived.

2001: I pretended I was not nervous at all and acted cool as a cucumber as we blasted through the dunes.

2012: Was a little less composed as we tried to figure out the *rules of the dunes. Instead of worrying about how my hair was getting bigger by the moment, I was worrying about the boys getting whiplash and corneal abrasions from massive amounts of flying sand. 

{*Hint- there are NONE}

After our dune rides, Steve treated me to a twist cone.

2001: This ice cream cone was the only food stop on our 14 hour date, and I was STARVING.

2012: Steve now has many years of 1st hand knowledge of the result

of  not feeding me often, and he scheduled in a stop for some real food.

The final stop of our date took us to the end of the north pier in Grand Haven.

2001: I knew that Steve could be the one for me as he prayed at the end of the pier and said hello to the lone fisherman on the pier at midnight.

2012: As Steve prayed at the end of the pier for the next eleven years, I was ever more thankful that he is the one that God chose for me.

In the wee hours of the morning Steve dropped me off at my college house.

2001: As a true gentleman, Steve walked me to the door, said thank you, and he walked away without kissing me.

2012: Steve walked me to where the door used to be and still didn't give me a kiss, explaining his first date rules to the boys.

Sixteen months after our first date this handsome man became my husband,

and eleven years later we were lucky enough to go on our first date all over again, this time with two handsome boys in tow.

Outtakes

{all of the fun things we didn't do on our first date}

We climbed the lighthouse and took in the beautiful view on a very windy day.

We climbed down and received a sticker to mark our accomplishment.

The boys hitched a ride in a authentic dune buggy.

And, we each took a turn dune jumping.

Ready? Set? Go!

It's go time.

Who's ready to start purging one space at a time?

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1. Bedroom Closet: Time for a fashion reboot. Let's get real: will you ever fit into your post-high school, pre-baby pants again? Are you holding onto things you haven’t worn in a year? Are hangers being wasted on shirts you bought (tags still attached!) but never wore? Say goodbye to the past and hello to the new you.

2. Hall Closet: Let go of the skeletons. Pick a closet, any closet: perhaps your coat closet, your linen closet, or your catch-all closet? Choose the worst offender or sort through them all. Fling open the door and face your hidden holdings.

3. Shoes & Accessories: Set off on some sole searching. How many pairs of shoes do you really need? Can someone else benefit from your 4th pair of black flats? How many purses/bags/totes can one girl really own? Cut them loose. Keep what you love. The rest is just baggage.

4. Kid Closet(s): Managing the monsters in their closets. It’s time to find a new home for those too-short jeans, too-tight shirts, and too-small shoes. Could someone else find joy in the dress shirt that makes your child cringe? Are there any other “monsters” hiding out in the deep, dark corners? Banish them once and for all!

5. Toys: Send Polly Pocket packing. Get the kids involved! What toys do they no longer play with? What could they do without? Explain to them where their extra toys are going: don’t be surprised when they are more than happy to share with less fortunate kids. Start with the absolute must-keeps and then streamline (i.e. toss, donate, or sell) the rest.

Now, just grab a button and link up your Instagrams, tweets or posts here.

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A Project Purge Link-Up!

The excitement is building as we get ready to officially begin our purge on Monday.  We have explained our mission and the heart behind it. Now, it's time to link up if your up for the challenge.
If you feel called to clear your clutter for charity, link your blog, blog post, Instagrams or Twitter url's below and be ready to be amazed at the power of community.

Project Purge & Your Story

A story. We all have one. 

Unfortunately, in modern day America, it seems as if everyone is trying to live everybody else's story.

Which means that if our friends have the newest trend, we too need the newest trend.  If everyone in our neighborhood drives nice cars, then it must be time for some new wheels to grace our garage. And, even more startling, is the competition of stuff between children.

It is time to start changing the path of our story.  It is time to stop and ask ourselves why we have the possessions we have, and what purpose they are serving in our lives.

By asking ourselves these questions we can turn our excess into justice, Jen Hatmaker by supporting The Manasseh Project, who through community education and collaboration... provides support for victims of human trafficking and empowers the people of West Michigan to end modern day slavery.

Why Project Purge? Why now?

Because we have a story.  They have a story.  And, if we combine our stories we have the power to say, 

This is not the way this is going to end. 

In the words of the great Donald Miller, 

The story you live will be up to you and God. I think God is pretty creative, and I think you're fairly unique, so my guess is it's going to be a good one.

Make it a good one.

If you would like to make Project Purge a part of your story, please contact me or Katie, and be sure to head over to the Terpblog for all of the details of how we {you and us} are going to rock this mission.

Project Purge: 15 Days of Giving It Up

In the last year, I have found myself in the midst of change.  God has been stirring something within me, telling me that the world is upside down, and that it's not okay. 

My journey in the past year has brought me to places I never expected and introduced me to amazing women along the way.

One of these women,  is Jami, the heart behind Holy Yoga, Revelation Wellness, and the fight for wholeness among women.

Jami, has recently been called to help a cause near and dear to her heart and has invited us to help her with her cause.

Our first mission: Have a garage sale to raise money to sponsor the Manasseh Project at this Year's Art Prize.

And, when Katie and I are called on a mission, we get fired up and have only one choice but to say yes.

So, we did.  We said Yes and have been brainstorming ever since.

And, what we came up with was this

What if...

we went trough our homes and got rid of the "stuff"

 we didn't need & blessed the women of the Manasseh Project?

 we blogged about it?

 we INSPIRED others to join us for the journey?

ENCOURAGED  other WOMEN in other 

cities to do something similar?

in our small part of this BIG world 

decided that We could make a Difference?

we lived SIMPLY to Dream BIG

and gave LOVE?

In the end, Katie and I decided that we could indeed do all of these things, and take the first step in turning the world right side up.  So, for the next two weeks we will be on a mission and want to invite you along for the ride.  We will be posting the nitty-gritty details of how this will work, why it's worth fighting for, and how you can get involved.

Because in the end, we are called to save lives, and if we cannot save them all, why don't we start with just one?

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summer to-do list...

{printable credit}

Summer is here, and as summer days always do, they are flying by.
 Here is my attempt to make the most out the glorious days spent filled with sunshine and warmth.

How are you planning to spend your summer days?

I am linking up to...

40 Bags... 40 Days...

Not so long ago my friends and I set out on the Martha/Mary Challenge in attempt to be intentional as we maintained our homes.  Since that time we also embarked on a husband project in effort to love our husbands well.

Each time we set up a secret facebook group to hold each other accountable, and to laugh together at the adventures that were sure to ensue.

And, each time I walk away thankful for the awareness the project brought to my everyday life.

This time we are embarking of a  40 Bags in 40 Days challenge during the Lenten season.  We have each made our list and getting ready to live intentionally as we cross each one off.  

Ready? Set? Go!

I am joining the party over at...