Nesting

Today, I cleaned my silverware drawer.

As in, take all of the silverware out, clean my silverware drawer.

After the silverware drawer, I made my way to the toaster, emptied the crumb catcher and tried to wipe off several years of toaster neglect.

For the first time in my career as a independent adult, I did a week's worth of laundry, folded it all while it was still warm, and put away immediately.

And, somewhere between dinner and bedtime, I ravaged the boy's toy box, with very little mercy, and left with a whole lot of plastic to recycle.

It is safe to say that I am officially nesting.

In the third trimester of a pregnancy that appears to be longer than the gestation of an elephant,  I am grasping for any bit of order I can muster.

With each cabinet cleaned, and each item crossed off the to-do list, I am simply marking the days until this nesting phase is finally over, and I can joyfully embrace the ups and downs of postpartum.

Ugly Beautiful

There are times when I struggle to pick up the book I am reading.

I don't have enough time. I am tired, or I am just not in the mood.

One Thousand Gifts seems to be one of these books. I am in love with this book. I have been blessed by this book, but have been struggling to finish this book.

Yesterday, in my weariness, I found myself in a hot bath, surrounded by the smell of lavender, at 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

For some reason, I brought my book in with me.

Six dog-eared pages later, I knew why had been resisting this chapter for so long.  God had wanted me to read it, in the bathtub, at 3 o'clock on a Monday afternoon, weary and worn out.

I was humbled.

I had been worn down by the ugly and was missing out on the beautiful.

As Ann writes,
I look for the ugly beautiful, count it as grace, transfigure the mess into joy with thanks...

With ten minutes to spare, before the bus came to deliver my boys, I decided to look for the ugly beautiful. To transfigure the mess into joy and my weariness into thanksgiving.

Ugly Beautiful
I have a daughter in Korea. I have a daughter.
She is in a foster home. She has a family loving her.
We missed her first roll over, crawl, and step. She is thriving.
I don't know what her first word was. She has words.
I cannot do anything to bring her home faster. There is nothing I long for more.
I long for her to call me Mama. She has someone to call Mama.
I cry on most days. First the ripping to see God face-to-face.

Suddenly, my weary wasn't so weary anymore.  My hope was restored, and I was thankful for the ugly beautiful.

The moon will rise and those who limp know how to see. -Ann Voskamp

Do-Be-Mem

Do-Be-Mem
Now that I have made Bee-Bim-Bop,
why not throw in a little Do-Be-Mem?

Three simple things to focus on in this new week.

{thank  you kt for the inspiration}

Do: Get creative. "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are" ...Theodore Roosevelt

Be: Happy. I don't have to do this life.  I get to do this life. That, in and of itself, is one amazing gift.

Mem: "Beauty is not in the face; Beauty is a light in the heart." ... Kahlil Gibran

31 Days of Writing:

Day 1: I used to think... now I think...

I used to think that 33 was too old to have a baby,
now I think God knew exactly what He was doing with this 33 year old Mama.

I used to think I would teach for 30 years,
now I think there may be something else waiting for me to discover.

I used to think I was shy,
now I think I am lovely, pleasant company and quite well adjusted.

I used to think I had to have it all together,
now I think authentic living is where it's at and celebrate this messy life.

I used to think I didn't have much to share,
now I think I have bits of wisdom and wit waiting in the wings.

I used to think safe was the way to go,
now I think safe gets you right where you have always been.

I used think it was my job to please people,
now I think saying no is freeing and leaves space for me to be me.

I used to think perfect was where it was at,
now I think perfect is a wasted story.

I used to think I wasn't strong,
now I think my quite strength has stood the test of time.

I used to think that there was no way God could love me,
now I think He lavishes and delights in me, chuckling each time I let go.

I used to think I wanted to be on the inside,
now I think the inside is too crowded for my taste, and the outside is where I belong.